17w2d tests and good outcomes

I'm feeling really good these days.  I've taken the approach of believing everything is hunky-dory unless I hear otherwise.  It's made this pregnancy a lot of fun, and enjoyable.  No morning sickness has helped also!  I've had the reassuring symptom of very sore breasts the whole way through, and though it's horrid when our small dog steps on them to wake me up in the morning, they've been a great comfort to me that things are progressing as they should.

There are so many other blogs out there with heartwrenching stories and experiences.  When someone has a pregnancy loss, they usually just stop writing, it's so hard to go back to those memories of when there was still hope. When I see those blogs that stop with no explanation, I am so sad for them, thinking that's what happened.  I was just looking at this blog: http://elegyforamy.wordpress.com written by a woman who lost one of her pregnancies at almost 24 weeks.  I can't imagine how hard those later losses are.  But she is now almost full-term with a new pregnancy, thank goodness.  I found her blog today (though I've seen bits of it before) because I googled 17w2d.  It's nice to see how others were doing at the same point in time as I am.

And again, how I am is pretty darn good!  I got results back from the last part of our sequential integrated screening, and my numbers are still quite comforting.  All screened negative, nothing lower that a 1:660 chance of anything it measures for: trisomies 21, 18, and Smith Lemli Opitz Syndrome.  It was also negative for spinabifida and other neural tube defects.  When we weren't sure if those numbers would be so good, my genetics counselor scheduled a tentative amniocentesis for yesterday.  But she called me earlier this week with the good information, and also told me that Kaiser will start covering the Harmony blood test, which is almost as good as a diagnostic test without being invasive and risking miscarriage.  So we decided to drop the amnio and do the blood test instead.  I feel good about the information I have so far, so it's not critical that I did this test, but since it's being offered at a fraction of the price it normally costs (I only had to pay my copay of $20) I figured I would go for it.

I am now waiting eagerly for June 10 to arrive so we can have the anatomy scan.  I really want to find out the gender of our lil' niblet, who apparently is not so little anymore, measuring about 5 inches from butt to head -- legs are still not measured at this point.   But 5 inches!  That's bigger than my Iphone!

I'm not feeling anything discernible in there yet, probably because I'm still so blocked up that I assume every sensation is just gas.  But I've read that most people don't feel the baby's movement until 18-20 weeks, and some feel nothing until 24 weeks.   So there you go.  I do feel the uterus stretching.  It feels like mild cramps.  Nothing to run to the medicine cabinet for, it's just keeping me interested.

On a more mundane note I finally bought some larger bras!  Very exciting for me especially since they were only 6 and 12 dollars at Marshalls.  My stepmom would be proud!  But now I can rotate off of the only one that fit me, and mix it up with 2 others.  Hoorah!

On that boring note, I shall leave.

8w5d glucose and hush-hush

I'm still here and still pregnant as far as I can tell!  The boobs just keep getting heavier and hurtier, I'm getting more and more tired, and I have another week to wait until I can get some reassurance that all is as well as I think it is.

Time seems to be dragging less, which I think is why I haven't written as often.  But I never did finish the initial appointment post, which really just covers making my next appointments.  I have 3 appointments coming up, one each week starting next week.  Oh -- but I did have something appointment-like this week, because my one hour glucose test came back really high.  It was 243, when the high end of normal is 140.  So the doctor ordered me to do a fasting, 3-hour glucose test, after eating nothing for 10 hours.  It consisted of 4 blood draws, one before drinking the nasty syrupy drink, and one each hour after for 3 hours.  I couldn't leave the lobby of the phlebotomist's office, so I sat and read magazines and books and tried not to think of how hungry I was.  One out of the 4 draws was virtually painless -- some phlebotomists are so good at what they do.

Rather than dragging it out, I'll just let you know that my numbers came back mostly normal, but the average is a little on the high side of normal.  HOWEVER, it was just Easter and there are a lot of jelly beans and chocolate eggs and other tempting yummies lying around the house right now (which may have escaped from my stepson's basket).  I usually don't eat a lot of sugary things, just one or two items a day.  So I am guessing I don't have gestational diabetes, just a surge of Easter candy in my system.  I hope.

Next week I have another ultrasound (at 9w5d), this time with a nurse-midwife who is a woman.  The week after that I'll meet with the genetics counselor.  They'll give me another ultrasound that day as well.  The following week (11 weeks) I go to San Francisco for the CVS which is a sampling of the placenta that they'll take as a diagnostic of the baby's genes.  So we should know a lot after that, i.e. if the baby is healthy and it's gender.  I'm trying not to think too hard about that.

One thing I haven't talked about here is the fact that I haven't told any family about this yet.  I've only told my husband and one old friend (as in we've known each other over 20 years, not that she's old), who is not nearby but I g-chat with her almost every day. (Also, last weekend a different friend who I rarely see whisked me away to Tahoe for a girl's weekend and I felt I had to tell her because why else wasn't I drinking the amazing wine she brought?  It's so unlike me!) 

After having 3 miscarriages, I just don’t feel like going through all the ups and downs and questions and getting other people’s hopes up, only to possibly have to tell them it didn’t work out yet again.  Also, this time I am feeling more sensitive about my age.  43 is on the high end of the age spectrum for having a kid.  I want to escape the possible judgment of those who may think I’m pushing my luck, or that I’m going to be so worn out by a baby, or whatever unsupportive things people may think.  Once I know that everything is OK, then I will tell people, and I’ll deal with all of that then.  But I really don’t want to go through it until I know everything is OK.

So for now I blog.  It would be nice if some of you would comment, so I felt like I had a community of sorts….  :)

6w4d waiting, waiting, waiting

One week to go until the ultrasound, which still a long way away but it's better than 2 weeks! And I'm still encouraged because some symptoms are strongly present, including painfully tender breasts, lower back pain, and as of today some significant exhaustion. I've also been really cold and had a hard time getting warm, which could be the lingering effects of the cold I had -- the advice nurse said it could take an extra long time to get over the cold due to my body's priority of baby-building right now.

I almost can't fathom that this will work out -- the only examples of pregnancy I've lived through are ones that haven't worked out. But these darn symptoms have given me a lot more hope than I've ever dared to have before, and it leads me to entertain thoughts of farther down the line -- 7 months from now when I'm fully pregnant.... My husband and I were asked to officiate our friends' wedding in Lake Tahoe (haven't figured out exactly how that'll work with 2 officiants...). I'll be 3 weeks shy of my due date then. Are pregnant people allowed to go to 6000 altitude when they are that far along? I joked with my husband that we might have the baby in Truckee, which actually would be pretty cool, we love that area -- we were married next to Lake Tahoe.

Then I think about actually having the baby in our lives, in our house, with our incredibly loud dogs barking all the time.... and what the baby's room might look like, and how we'll make it work. It's still so early, I think I'll try to put those thoughts on hold for now.

Is anyone else at around the same point in their pregnancy? Or have you lived through this or something similar? I'm eager to hear your experiences too.

6w0d

I've made it to 6 weeks!  Calloo callay!  Though, this marker has never been a difficult one to get to.  It's from here that things get unpredictable.   There is a difference this time, however, and that is that I am experiencing symptoms.  Tedious, lovely symptoms that remind me than I'm pregnant. I did not have these in the last 3 pregnancies.  My breasts are increasingly sore every day, which seems impossible since they are already oh-so sore up to my armpits.  I'm constipated and bloated (which reminds me I need to buy some Metamucil), and of course, I'm tired (but that's nothing new for me).  No morning sickness, but neither my mom nor my sister ever experienced that in their combined 5 pregnancies.  I've felt slightly queasy occasionally, but that's it.  I'll take it that way, I don't need to be barfing to feel better.

I'm choosing to take those symptoms as signs that things are going well.  I know that their presence proves nothing, but it's my choice to be positive.  I still have a week and a half until my ultrasound, and waiting is just soooo hard.  In the other pregnancies, we always had the first ultrasounds at about 6 weeks or so, because I was working with the fertility clinic and they'd do that to verify the pregnancy.  Something was always wrong with embryo or sac on those first u/s' and I would be scheduled to come back a week later, around 7 weeks or so, only to find that something even more horrible had gone wrong, and that there was no hope.  This time, I got pregnant on my (our) own, with no help from medicine nor doctors nor offices.  And when I called the appointment line at Kaiser to make a prenatal appointment, there was no mention of my "advanced maternal age" or high-riskiness from either me or the nurse.  I was given a standard appointment as though I were 27 years old.  I'm being treated like I'm not in some dangerous category, and I kind of like that.  I don't feel old, or dangerous, or risky.

But waiting to know if everything is going OK is really hard.  

5w3d

I'm still here!  Which isn't unusual for the last few pregnancies I've had.  Next week will be the real test.  Though for the last 3 days I've had some tan spotting.  I have no idea what that means.  But it's caused some dreams of miscarriage.  One of the few times that I'm happy to wake up.  I'll write more later, gotta run to work now.


OK I'm back for a blip, taking a break from a full day class at work on project management. I'm so tired its embarrassing. I know the instructor can see that I'm practically falling asleep. I did so well choosing my lunch strategically so that I wouldn't fall asleep, but then I succumbed to the lure of a scrumptious piece of cake. Even though I ate less than half, it was enough to get the blood sugar surging and then crashing back down over the last hour. Soooo sleepy. Or is it the cold?? Or is it the pregnancy?? I am having a hard time deciphering some of my symptoms because of this cold. Good news on the cold, I was told I can take Robitussin DM, Benadryl, Claritin or Zyrtec. So I feel a little better.

I forgot to post that I made my ultrasound appointment for 7w4d, on March 27. It's still over 2 weeks away. I am wondering if I'll make it there. The last miscarriage started on 7w0d.   It's so hard to wait, but I don't have a choice.  The difference between this pregnancy and the last 3 is that my boobs are supersore this time around.  I think with one of them they were a little sore, then they weren't sore, then I miscarried.  With the other two they were never sore, I didn't really feel pregnant.  So the sore, sore boobs and the twinging ovaries/uterus feelings are a comfort this time around. 

I read someone else's blog yesterday and she was talking about staying positive.  I'm attempting that....  for example I'm not doing betas this time. I would have if the doctors told me to, but when I made the appointment they didn't mention it.  I didn't need a blood test since I knew I was pregnant thanks to 2 home pregnancy tests, so I decided not to ask for beta checks either in an effort to have less to worry about.  I've not had good luck with betas. 

It's very easy to doubt, as the only paths I've been down have led to disappointment.  But the thing is, I don't think it's impossible for me to have a healthy pregnancy and baby.  I think it is possible.  I am an older mom, but I bet I still have some good eggs left.  We stopped with the fertility clinic, I stopped charting, I stopped using ovulation testing kits.  Yet I'm pregnant.  This can happen.