10w4d genetics counseling

Yesterday I had my genetics counseling appointment, which was preceded by another ultrasound, this time with measurements and a photo!  The photo turned out a little odd, it was difficult to see my baby on the abdominal ultrasound, as my uterus is not only retroverted (tilted back toward my spine), but also retroflexed (bent back toward my tailbone).  So it's wayyyy behind all my intestines and all the stopped up stuff within them.  Yuck.  She actually had to tilt the table so my head was down and my feet were up before we could see anything, and I told her to go ahead and press as hard as she needed to.  So she did her best to move things around and finally there was a small gap in all the gunk that was in the way.  So there again was the lil' niblet, wiggling and bopping around, being cute as ever.  She/he even brought a hand up to her/his head at one point, like it was scratching an itch on the cheek.  It was heart-melting.  

The tech, who also assists in CVS procedures, knew quite a bit and shared a lot of info.  She took one measurement -- the baby measured 10w1d which again is fine by my ovulation date -- and then measured the heartbeat (for my first time).  It was a whopping 174 bpm!  Perfectly healthy and normal for that age.  More and more relief.  As I write this I think it's just so crazy that that little heart is inside me right now, surrounded by that little wiggle-wormy kid.  Sometimes it seems like the only time I'm pregnant is when I can see that screen, but of course, that baby's in there and doing all those things 24-7!  I am really looking forward to being able to feel the baby.  I know I should be careful what I wish for though, getting kicked in the ribs probably doesn't feel too good....

The tech explained how the CVS works, that because of my uterus position, they would not be doing a trans-abdominal CVS (which I didn't even know was an option).  So it will be going in the way I thought they would, through the cervix.  She said the catheter can make 2 turns, and my placenta is posterior, so depending on the position of my cervix, it may or may not be possible.  We couldn't ever clearly see the cervix thanks to my intestinal gunk.

She sent me off with a goofy photo of the baby, and I moved on to my genetics counselor. The photo is goofy because you can only see part of it thanks to the gunk, and I think the baby was moving at the time, and we caught an odd angle of it. I think we're looking over its left shoulder.  It kind of looks like the Joker from Batman.  You can see its upper and lower jaws.  Later in the day when I showed the photo to my husband he said it looked like the baby was smiling, but I explained that we were seeing the jaws, not the lips.  The good news is that we can see the nasal bone.  Seeing the nasal bone is a really good sign, the counselor said, because it diminishes the chances of Down Syndrome -- DS babies don't develop nasal bones fully or sometimes at all.  So though it's kind of a creepy photo, it's gives some good information.  I wish I had thought to videotape the baby wiggling around. It's much cuter than that photo!

Really all you can see is the head of the baby facing 10 o'clock.  You can see what looks like a smile, but are actually the upper and lower jaws, and the sharp nose. 

I then spoke with my genetics counselor, who explained what happens in a CVS and the things that can go wrong with results.  There's less than a 1/300 chance of miscarriage from this, and it completely depends on the skill of the doctor.  My doctor is supposedly very good, and before coming to Kaiser he taught other doctors how to do CVS at UCSF, so that's encouraging.  I think the risk is more like 1/600 that it could end up badly because of the test.  Assuming that won't be a problem, I then have a 98% chance that everything will go as planned in the test -- there are issues that can happen where they get my tissue instead of the placenta's, for example.  Just a 2% chance of a bad reading.  They will give me an image of the baby's chromosomes afterwards if I want, which sounds good to me!  Again, I'm staying positive, and assuming all will be fine.  

So I will head to San Francisico for a fun weekend before I go to the appointment on Monday morning.  I'm looking forward to seeing some friends and getting out of town for a bit, even though it's just an hour and a half away.  I again am having to figure out how to handle hanging out with friends with me not drinking -- how to not get found out?  We always have wine when we're together....  Also, my stomach is on the verge of showing.  I think it's more poop than uterus, but you never know.  And none of the laxative-like remedies are working for me, so it will most likely remain a bit bulgey.  Here's my tummy:

My friends will tell you that bump is nothing new.  I've always had some flab there.

That is all for now!

6w4d waiting, waiting, waiting

One week to go until the ultrasound, which still a long way away but it's better than 2 weeks! And I'm still encouraged because some symptoms are strongly present, including painfully tender breasts, lower back pain, and as of today some significant exhaustion. I've also been really cold and had a hard time getting warm, which could be the lingering effects of the cold I had -- the advice nurse said it could take an extra long time to get over the cold due to my body's priority of baby-building right now.

I almost can't fathom that this will work out -- the only examples of pregnancy I've lived through are ones that haven't worked out. But these darn symptoms have given me a lot more hope than I've ever dared to have before, and it leads me to entertain thoughts of farther down the line -- 7 months from now when I'm fully pregnant.... My husband and I were asked to officiate our friends' wedding in Lake Tahoe (haven't figured out exactly how that'll work with 2 officiants...). I'll be 3 weeks shy of my due date then. Are pregnant people allowed to go to 6000 altitude when they are that far along? I joked with my husband that we might have the baby in Truckee, which actually would be pretty cool, we love that area -- we were married next to Lake Tahoe.

Then I think about actually having the baby in our lives, in our house, with our incredibly loud dogs barking all the time.... and what the baby's room might look like, and how we'll make it work. It's still so early, I think I'll try to put those thoughts on hold for now.

Is anyone else at around the same point in their pregnancy? Or have you lived through this or something similar? I'm eager to hear your experiences too.

5w3d

I'm still here!  Which isn't unusual for the last few pregnancies I've had.  Next week will be the real test.  Though for the last 3 days I've had some tan spotting.  I have no idea what that means.  But it's caused some dreams of miscarriage.  One of the few times that I'm happy to wake up.  I'll write more later, gotta run to work now.


OK I'm back for a blip, taking a break from a full day class at work on project management. I'm so tired its embarrassing. I know the instructor can see that I'm practically falling asleep. I did so well choosing my lunch strategically so that I wouldn't fall asleep, but then I succumbed to the lure of a scrumptious piece of cake. Even though I ate less than half, it was enough to get the blood sugar surging and then crashing back down over the last hour. Soooo sleepy. Or is it the cold?? Or is it the pregnancy?? I am having a hard time deciphering some of my symptoms because of this cold. Good news on the cold, I was told I can take Robitussin DM, Benadryl, Claritin or Zyrtec. So I feel a little better.

I forgot to post that I made my ultrasound appointment for 7w4d, on March 27. It's still over 2 weeks away. I am wondering if I'll make it there. The last miscarriage started on 7w0d.   It's so hard to wait, but I don't have a choice.  The difference between this pregnancy and the last 3 is that my boobs are supersore this time around.  I think with one of them they were a little sore, then they weren't sore, then I miscarried.  With the other two they were never sore, I didn't really feel pregnant.  So the sore, sore boobs and the twinging ovaries/uterus feelings are a comfort this time around. 

I read someone else's blog yesterday and she was talking about staying positive.  I'm attempting that....  for example I'm not doing betas this time. I would have if the doctors told me to, but when I made the appointment they didn't mention it.  I didn't need a blood test since I knew I was pregnant thanks to 2 home pregnancy tests, so I decided not to ask for beta checks either in an effort to have less to worry about.  I've not had good luck with betas. 

It's very easy to doubt, as the only paths I've been down have led to disappointment.  But the thing is, I don't think it's impossible for me to have a healthy pregnancy and baby.  I think it is possible.  I am an older mom, but I bet I still have some good eggs left.  We stopped with the fertility clinic, I stopped charting, I stopped using ovulation testing kits.  Yet I'm pregnant.  This can happen.