6w0d

I've made it to 6 weeks!  Calloo callay!  Though, this marker has never been a difficult one to get to.  It's from here that things get unpredictable.   There is a difference this time, however, and that is that I am experiencing symptoms.  Tedious, lovely symptoms that remind me than I'm pregnant. I did not have these in the last 3 pregnancies.  My breasts are increasingly sore every day, which seems impossible since they are already oh-so sore up to my armpits.  I'm constipated and bloated (which reminds me I need to buy some Metamucil), and of course, I'm tired (but that's nothing new for me).  No morning sickness, but neither my mom nor my sister ever experienced that in their combined 5 pregnancies.  I've felt slightly queasy occasionally, but that's it.  I'll take it that way, I don't need to be barfing to feel better.

I'm choosing to take those symptoms as signs that things are going well.  I know that their presence proves nothing, but it's my choice to be positive.  I still have a week and a half until my ultrasound, and waiting is just soooo hard.  In the other pregnancies, we always had the first ultrasounds at about 6 weeks or so, because I was working with the fertility clinic and they'd do that to verify the pregnancy.  Something was always wrong with embryo or sac on those first u/s' and I would be scheduled to come back a week later, around 7 weeks or so, only to find that something even more horrible had gone wrong, and that there was no hope.  This time, I got pregnant on my (our) own, with no help from medicine nor doctors nor offices.  And when I called the appointment line at Kaiser to make a prenatal appointment, there was no mention of my "advanced maternal age" or high-riskiness from either me or the nurse.  I was given a standard appointment as though I were 27 years old.  I'm being treated like I'm not in some dangerous category, and I kind of like that.  I don't feel old, or dangerous, or risky.

But waiting to know if everything is going OK is really hard.