8w5d glucose and hush-hush

I'm still here and still pregnant as far as I can tell!  The boobs just keep getting heavier and hurtier, I'm getting more and more tired, and I have another week to wait until I can get some reassurance that all is as well as I think it is.

Time seems to be dragging less, which I think is why I haven't written as often.  But I never did finish the initial appointment post, which really just covers making my next appointments.  I have 3 appointments coming up, one each week starting next week.  Oh -- but I did have something appointment-like this week, because my one hour glucose test came back really high.  It was 243, when the high end of normal is 140.  So the doctor ordered me to do a fasting, 3-hour glucose test, after eating nothing for 10 hours.  It consisted of 4 blood draws, one before drinking the nasty syrupy drink, and one each hour after for 3 hours.  I couldn't leave the lobby of the phlebotomist's office, so I sat and read magazines and books and tried not to think of how hungry I was.  One out of the 4 draws was virtually painless -- some phlebotomists are so good at what they do.

Rather than dragging it out, I'll just let you know that my numbers came back mostly normal, but the average is a little on the high side of normal.  HOWEVER, it was just Easter and there are a lot of jelly beans and chocolate eggs and other tempting yummies lying around the house right now (which may have escaped from my stepson's basket).  I usually don't eat a lot of sugary things, just one or two items a day.  So I am guessing I don't have gestational diabetes, just a surge of Easter candy in my system.  I hope.

Next week I have another ultrasound (at 9w5d), this time with a nurse-midwife who is a woman.  The week after that I'll meet with the genetics counselor.  They'll give me another ultrasound that day as well.  The following week (11 weeks) I go to San Francisco for the CVS which is a sampling of the placenta that they'll take as a diagnostic of the baby's genes.  So we should know a lot after that, i.e. if the baby is healthy and it's gender.  I'm trying not to think too hard about that.

One thing I haven't talked about here is the fact that I haven't told any family about this yet.  I've only told my husband and one old friend (as in we've known each other over 20 years, not that she's old), who is not nearby but I g-chat with her almost every day. (Also, last weekend a different friend who I rarely see whisked me away to Tahoe for a girl's weekend and I felt I had to tell her because why else wasn't I drinking the amazing wine she brought?  It's so unlike me!) 

After having 3 miscarriages, I just don’t feel like going through all the ups and downs and questions and getting other people’s hopes up, only to possibly have to tell them it didn’t work out yet again.  Also, this time I am feeling more sensitive about my age.  43 is on the high end of the age spectrum for having a kid.  I want to escape the possible judgment of those who may think I’m pushing my luck, or that I’m going to be so worn out by a baby, or whatever unsupportive things people may think.  Once I know that everything is OK, then I will tell people, and I’ll deal with all of that then.  But I really don’t want to go through it until I know everything is OK.

So for now I blog.  It would be nice if some of you would comment, so I felt like I had a community of sorts….  :)