35w6d rounder and rounder we go!

I haven't been a good blogger.  I got busy.  Reasons/excuses/truth is:  I have a 2nd job that takes up my time in the evenings, and for the last few weeks I've been in "nesting" mode, trying to get our home organized.  I think I've actually been in this mode for a few years now, it's not just baby related, though I think that the due date provides a nice deadline to adhere to.

However, I'm writing again because I reason there must be other 40+ moms-to-be, or hopeful moms-to-be, who could use a little info on those of us who are finally having healthy pregnancies.  When I was looking for hope, I found it very encouraging to read other women's blogs, other women over 40, so I didn't feel that I was a freak for wanting/expecting a baby at this age.  Freak not, my friends!   It does happen.  Not to everyone, and not right away for me, certainly.  3 pregnancies that didn't work were disappointing, and even more disappointing was that I was getting used to them not working out.  But I still reasoned that surely there must be at least one good egg left inside me, if not several.  It was just a matter of trying, trying again.  So that is the attitude I took, and it did pay off.  I have a sweet younger friend who is going through some fertility issues, she's only 34.  She's had two miscarriages so far, and they are devastating her.  I have tried to explain to her how lucky she is that she gets pregnant after only 2 months of trying each time -- she hasn't experienced the year-long waits that I went through between pregnancies.  At the same time I try to understand her pain, as it's valid and real and hers.  I don't want to diminish her experiences (much as I'd love to diminish her pain).  I truly believe it'll work out for her and her husband very soon, but that's not something she's able to hear -- and I can relate to that too.

So to update you on me and the niblet, we have gestational diabetes (GD), thanks to the placenta who has been quite pesky.  So I'm off the sugar, the white flour, and apparently any whole wheat pasta that isn't Trader Joe's  (that's the only one that works for me, I've found -- last night I made lasagna with a limited amount of whole wheat noodles from Whole Foods.  I got one of the highest post-dinner blood sugar numbers I've had, second only to the whole wheat Kraft mac n cheese night failure).  I eat very few grain-related carbs these days, a whole lot of string cheese sticks (Organic Valley is a million times tastier than Lucerne, BTW), some great high-protein yougurt (Stonyfield greek and Siggi's Icelandic style *who knew??*), all the non-starchy veggies and protein I want, and limited fruit.  I can do one small corn tortilla at a meal, or one piece of high-protein sprouted-grain bread per meal, or that TJ's pasta.  Oh - and quinoa.  Beans are great though.  For lunch today, I just had a salad with steak, chickpeas, veggies and cheese and I should be fine.  Dinners are easy, we do a protein and then usually 2 veggies (i.e. broccoli and cauliflower, or salad and roasted carrots), tonight I think it'll be meat-stuffed zucchini and a salad.  Then, my bedtime snack is sugar free ice cream with natural peanut butter as a topping.  I am not a fan of artificial sweeteners, but it sure is nice to have ice cream at the end of the day, especially since I can't have anything else I crave.  There are snacks I have to eat as well, it's a lot of eating, really.  And a lot of finger pricking after each meal.  It's doable, though, and it will end when the placenta is no longer inside me.

I have my 36 week checkup in 2 days, I'm looking forward to that.  I like my midwife a lot, she takes a lot of time with me.  My next appointment at 38 weeks will be with a different midwife.  This 36 weeker will actually be my last appointment with my midwife unless for some reason they don't induce me at 39 weeks -- I do have a 40 week appointment with her after my due date.  But the GD protocol is to induce around 39 weeks.  I am going to push back on that if the baby and I both seem fine.  We'll see what happens.  I do have an OB and she is the one who will want the induction.  I've heard to prepare for pushback on my opinion.  The fear from doctors is that the baby will be big.  But since I'm controlling the GD with diet and a little medicine at night, she shouldn't end up too big.  Less than 50% of GD babies are bigger than 8 lbs. 14oz., which is their definition of big.  Here's the article I read that encouraged me even further in my opinion http://evidencebasedbirth.com/category/gestational-diabetes-2/

Of course, if there is good reason for induction I'll do it.  I don't need either of us to be hurt or worse.  

So hopefully my midwife will be on duty at some point when I go to the hospital.  It's a crapshoot though.  But if not, it'll be a different midwife.  Unless they say I have to be on the high risk side of the L&D ward.  Then it's just doctors.  So much is unknown.  Birth plan shmirth shmlan!  I will finalize one with my hopes and wishes, but I have to be ready to let it go, too.

The craziest thing is that in about a month, or less, or possibly more, there will be a little baby in this world to whom I am Mommy.

17w2d tests and good outcomes

I'm feeling really good these days.  I've taken the approach of believing everything is hunky-dory unless I hear otherwise.  It's made this pregnancy a lot of fun, and enjoyable.  No morning sickness has helped also!  I've had the reassuring symptom of very sore breasts the whole way through, and though it's horrid when our small dog steps on them to wake me up in the morning, they've been a great comfort to me that things are progressing as they should.

There are so many other blogs out there with heartwrenching stories and experiences.  When someone has a pregnancy loss, they usually just stop writing, it's so hard to go back to those memories of when there was still hope. When I see those blogs that stop with no explanation, I am so sad for them, thinking that's what happened.  I was just looking at this blog: http://elegyforamy.wordpress.com written by a woman who lost one of her pregnancies at almost 24 weeks.  I can't imagine how hard those later losses are.  But she is now almost full-term with a new pregnancy, thank goodness.  I found her blog today (though I've seen bits of it before) because I googled 17w2d.  It's nice to see how others were doing at the same point in time as I am.

And again, how I am is pretty darn good!  I got results back from the last part of our sequential integrated screening, and my numbers are still quite comforting.  All screened negative, nothing lower that a 1:660 chance of anything it measures for: trisomies 21, 18, and Smith Lemli Opitz Syndrome.  It was also negative for spinabifida and other neural tube defects.  When we weren't sure if those numbers would be so good, my genetics counselor scheduled a tentative amniocentesis for yesterday.  But she called me earlier this week with the good information, and also told me that Kaiser will start covering the Harmony blood test, which is almost as good as a diagnostic test without being invasive and risking miscarriage.  So we decided to drop the amnio and do the blood test instead.  I feel good about the information I have so far, so it's not critical that I did this test, but since it's being offered at a fraction of the price it normally costs (I only had to pay my copay of $20) I figured I would go for it.

I am now waiting eagerly for June 10 to arrive so we can have the anatomy scan.  I really want to find out the gender of our lil' niblet, who apparently is not so little anymore, measuring about 5 inches from butt to head -- legs are still not measured at this point.   But 5 inches!  That's bigger than my Iphone!

I'm not feeling anything discernible in there yet, probably because I'm still so blocked up that I assume every sensation is just gas.  But I've read that most people don't feel the baby's movement until 18-20 weeks, and some feel nothing until 24 weeks.   So there you go.  I do feel the uterus stretching.  It feels like mild cramps.  Nothing to run to the medicine cabinet for, it's just keeping me interested.

On a more mundane note I finally bought some larger bras!  Very exciting for me especially since they were only 6 and 12 dollars at Marshalls.  My stepmom would be proud!  But now I can rotate off of the only one that fit me, and mix it up with 2 others.  Hoorah!

On that boring note, I shall leave.

5w3d

I'm still here!  Which isn't unusual for the last few pregnancies I've had.  Next week will be the real test.  Though for the last 3 days I've had some tan spotting.  I have no idea what that means.  But it's caused some dreams of miscarriage.  One of the few times that I'm happy to wake up.  I'll write more later, gotta run to work now.


OK I'm back for a blip, taking a break from a full day class at work on project management. I'm so tired its embarrassing. I know the instructor can see that I'm practically falling asleep. I did so well choosing my lunch strategically so that I wouldn't fall asleep, but then I succumbed to the lure of a scrumptious piece of cake. Even though I ate less than half, it was enough to get the blood sugar surging and then crashing back down over the last hour. Soooo sleepy. Or is it the cold?? Or is it the pregnancy?? I am having a hard time deciphering some of my symptoms because of this cold. Good news on the cold, I was told I can take Robitussin DM, Benadryl, Claritin or Zyrtec. So I feel a little better.

I forgot to post that I made my ultrasound appointment for 7w4d, on March 27. It's still over 2 weeks away. I am wondering if I'll make it there. The last miscarriage started on 7w0d.   It's so hard to wait, but I don't have a choice.  The difference between this pregnancy and the last 3 is that my boobs are supersore this time around.  I think with one of them they were a little sore, then they weren't sore, then I miscarried.  With the other two they were never sore, I didn't really feel pregnant.  So the sore, sore boobs and the twinging ovaries/uterus feelings are a comfort this time around. 

I read someone else's blog yesterday and she was talking about staying positive.  I'm attempting that....  for example I'm not doing betas this time. I would have if the doctors told me to, but when I made the appointment they didn't mention it.  I didn't need a blood test since I knew I was pregnant thanks to 2 home pregnancy tests, so I decided not to ask for beta checks either in an effort to have less to worry about.  I've not had good luck with betas. 

It's very easy to doubt, as the only paths I've been down have led to disappointment.  But the thing is, I don't think it's impossible for me to have a healthy pregnancy and baby.  I think it is possible.  I am an older mom, but I bet I still have some good eggs left.  We stopped with the fertility clinic, I stopped charting, I stopped using ovulation testing kits.  Yet I'm pregnant.  This can happen.