I haven't been a good blogger. I got busy. Reasons/excuses/truth is: I have a 2nd job that takes up my time in the evenings, and for the last few weeks I've been in "nesting" mode, trying to get our home organized. I think I've actually been in this mode for a few years now, it's not just baby related, though I think that the due date provides a nice deadline to adhere to.
However, I'm writing again because I reason there must be other 40+ moms-to-be, or hopeful moms-to-be, who could use a little info on those of us who are finally having healthy pregnancies. When I was looking for hope, I found it very encouraging to read other women's blogs, other women over 40, so I didn't feel that I was a freak for wanting/expecting a baby at this age. Freak not, my friends! It does happen. Not to everyone, and not right away for me, certainly. 3 pregnancies that didn't work were disappointing, and even more disappointing was that I was getting used to them not working out. But I still reasoned that surely there must be at least one good egg left inside me, if not several. It was just a matter of trying, trying again. So that is the attitude I took, and it did pay off. I have a sweet younger friend who is going through some fertility issues, she's only 34. She's had two miscarriages so far, and they are devastating her. I have tried to explain to her how lucky she is that she gets pregnant after only 2 months of trying each time -- she hasn't experienced the year-long waits that I went through between pregnancies. At the same time I try to understand her pain, as it's valid and real and hers. I don't want to diminish her experiences (much as I'd love to diminish her pain). I truly believe it'll work out for her and her husband very soon, but that's not something she's able to hear -- and I can relate to that too.
So to update you on me and the niblet, we have gestational diabetes (GD), thanks to the placenta who has been quite pesky. So I'm off the sugar, the white flour, and apparently any whole wheat pasta that isn't Trader Joe's (that's the only one that works for me, I've found -- last night I made lasagna with a limited amount of whole wheat noodles from Whole Foods. I got one of the highest post-dinner blood sugar numbers I've had, second only to the whole wheat Kraft mac n cheese night failure). I eat very few grain-related carbs these days, a whole lot of string cheese sticks (Organic Valley is a million times tastier than Lucerne, BTW), some great high-protein yougurt (Stonyfield greek and Siggi's Icelandic style *who knew??*), all the non-starchy veggies and protein I want, and limited fruit. I can do one small corn tortilla at a meal, or one piece of high-protein sprouted-grain bread per meal, or that TJ's pasta. Oh - and quinoa. Beans are great though. For lunch today, I just had a salad with steak, chickpeas, veggies and cheese and I should be fine. Dinners are easy, we do a protein and then usually 2 veggies (i.e. broccoli and cauliflower, or salad and roasted carrots), tonight I think it'll be meat-stuffed zucchini and a salad. Then, my bedtime snack is sugar free ice cream with natural peanut butter as a topping. I am not a fan of artificial sweeteners, but it sure is nice to have ice cream at the end of the day, especially since I can't have anything else I crave. There are snacks I have to eat as well, it's a lot of eating, really. And a lot of finger pricking after each meal. It's doable, though, and it will end when the placenta is no longer inside me.
I have my 36 week checkup in 2 days, I'm looking forward to that. I like my midwife a lot, she takes a lot of time with me. My next appointment at 38 weeks will be with a different midwife. This 36 weeker will actually be my last appointment with my midwife unless for some reason they don't induce me at 39 weeks -- I do have a 40 week appointment with her after my due date. But the GD protocol is to induce around 39 weeks. I am going to push back on that if the baby and I both seem fine. We'll see what happens. I do have an OB and she is the one who will want the induction. I've heard to prepare for pushback on my opinion. The fear from doctors is that the baby will be big. But since I'm controlling the GD with diet and a little medicine at night, she shouldn't end up too big. Less than 50% of GD babies are bigger than 8 lbs. 14oz., which is their definition of big. Here's the article I read that encouraged me even further in my opinion http://evidencebasedbirth.com/category/gestational-diabetes-2/
Of course, if there is good reason for induction I'll do it. I don't need either of us to be hurt or worse.
So hopefully my midwife will be on duty at some point when I go to the hospital. It's a crapshoot though. But if not, it'll be a different midwife. Unless they say I have to be on the high risk side of the L&D ward. Then it's just doctors. So much is unknown. Birth plan shmirth shmlan! I will finalize one with my hopes and wishes, but I have to be ready to let it go, too.
The craziest thing is that in about a month, or less, or possibly more, there will be a little baby in this world to whom I am Mommy.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
29w5d still here!!
Hello to anyone who was reading this blog and wondered whatever happened to me!! I am sorry that I stopped writing, but life became busy. I got a second job, which is a lot of computer work after my normal work day, so when I wasn't working one of my 2 jobs, I just wasn't up for sitting at the computer and typing away anymore. Also, once I went public with my pregnancy, I was able to get my thoughts out verbally to friends and family, and didn't require the blog as much as it wasn't my only outlet. Regardless, I know some folks have wondered, and others have stopped by and read it, only to see it unfinished. They must have wondered whatever happened to me and my pregnancy.
So I'm here to say that I and the baby girl are fine! We are plugging along, battling gestational diabetes (which is not uncommon in us older moms, and will end as soon as the placenta is out of me), but otherwise fine. Oh, but I'm slightly anemic, so I'm drinking an herbal supplement to amend this as well. I've been having checkups every 4 weeks, my next one is in 2 weeks when I'm at 32 weeks. At that point I'll also start having twice-weekly non stress tests (NSTs) for the baby. These will be appointments where they hook me up to a belly monitor that will look for the baby's movement and listen to her heartbeat. They'd told me long ago, before the gestational diabetes (GD) diagnosis that I'd need to do these, since I'm on a low dose of blood pressure medication (I have been for 3 years). And now that I have GD as well, it's even more important for them to know that she's under no stress. The only pisser of it is that it'll eat into my sick time, which I am counting on for my unpaid maternity leave.
I'll write more soon, but for now I'm posting this before I fail to do so for months on end!!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
18w5d It's a....
Girl!
We had the anatomy scan yesterday and now we know. I'm very happy, as I have a boy stepson, a boy husband, and two boy dogs in my house already. I would certainly have fallen in love with a baby boy as well, but it's just nice to know that I'll have a little someone to help balance out the hormones in the house. And who knows, maybe she'll bring more than we're ready for!
I know nothing else -- the technician who performed the ultrasound could only tell us gender. I have an appointment with my nurse-midwife later this week.
We had the anatomy scan yesterday and now we know. I'm very happy, as I have a boy stepson, a boy husband, and two boy dogs in my house already. I would certainly have fallen in love with a baby boy as well, but it's just nice to know that I'll have a little someone to help balance out the hormones in the house. And who knows, maybe she'll bring more than we're ready for!
I know nothing else -- the technician who performed the ultrasound could only tell us gender. I have an appointment with my nurse-midwife later this week.
Friday, May 31, 2013
17w2d tests and good outcomes
I'm feeling really good these days. I've taken the approach of believing everything is hunky-dory unless I hear otherwise. It's made this pregnancy a lot of fun, and enjoyable. No morning sickness has helped also! I've had the reassuring symptom of very sore breasts the whole way through, and though it's horrid when our small dog steps on them to wake me up in the morning, they've been a great comfort to me that things are progressing as they should.
There are so many other blogs out there with heartwrenching stories and experiences. When someone has a pregnancy loss, they usually just stop writing, it's so hard to go back to those memories of when there was still hope. When I see those blogs that stop with no explanation, I am so sad for them, thinking that's what happened. I was just looking at this blog: http://elegyforamy.wordpress.com written by a woman who lost one of her pregnancies at almost 24 weeks. I can't imagine how hard those later losses are. But she is now almost full-term with a new pregnancy, thank goodness. I found her blog today (though I've seen bits of it before) because I googled 17w2d. It's nice to see how others were doing at the same point in time as I am.
And again, how I am is pretty darn good! I got results back from the last part of our sequential integrated screening, and my numbers are still quite comforting. All screened negative, nothing lower that a 1:660 chance of anything it measures for: trisomies 21, 18, and Smith Lemli Opitz Syndrome. It was also negative for spinabifida and other neural tube defects. When we weren't sure if those numbers would be so good, my genetics counselor scheduled a tentative amniocentesis for yesterday. But she called me earlier this week with the good information, and also told me that Kaiser will start covering the Harmony blood test, which is almost as good as a diagnostic test without being invasive and risking miscarriage. So we decided to drop the amnio and do the blood test instead. I feel good about the information I have so far, so it's not critical that I did this test, but since it's being offered at a fraction of the price it normally costs (I only had to pay my copay of $20) I figured I would go for it.
I am now waiting eagerly for June 10 to arrive so we can have the anatomy scan. I really want to find out the gender of our lil' niblet, who apparently is not so little anymore, measuring about 5 inches from butt to head -- legs are still not measured at this point. But 5 inches! That's bigger than my Iphone!
I'm not feeling anything discernible in there yet, probably because I'm still so blocked up that I assume every sensation is just gas. But I've read that most people don't feel the baby's movement until 18-20 weeks, and some feel nothing until 24 weeks. So there you go. I do feel the uterus stretching. It feels like mild cramps. Nothing to run to the medicine cabinet for, it's just keeping me interested.
On a more mundane note I finally bought some larger bras! Very exciting for me especially since they were only 6 and 12 dollars at Marshalls. My stepmom would be proud! But now I can rotate off of the only one that fit me, and mix it up with 2 others. Hoorah!
On that boring note, I shall leave.
There are so many other blogs out there with heartwrenching stories and experiences. When someone has a pregnancy loss, they usually just stop writing, it's so hard to go back to those memories of when there was still hope. When I see those blogs that stop with no explanation, I am so sad for them, thinking that's what happened. I was just looking at this blog: http://elegyforamy.wordpress.com written by a woman who lost one of her pregnancies at almost 24 weeks. I can't imagine how hard those later losses are. But she is now almost full-term with a new pregnancy, thank goodness. I found her blog today (though I've seen bits of it before) because I googled 17w2d. It's nice to see how others were doing at the same point in time as I am.
And again, how I am is pretty darn good! I got results back from the last part of our sequential integrated screening, and my numbers are still quite comforting. All screened negative, nothing lower that a 1:660 chance of anything it measures for: trisomies 21, 18, and Smith Lemli Opitz Syndrome. It was also negative for spinabifida and other neural tube defects. When we weren't sure if those numbers would be so good, my genetics counselor scheduled a tentative amniocentesis for yesterday. But she called me earlier this week with the good information, and also told me that Kaiser will start covering the Harmony blood test, which is almost as good as a diagnostic test without being invasive and risking miscarriage. So we decided to drop the amnio and do the blood test instead. I feel good about the information I have so far, so it's not critical that I did this test, but since it's being offered at a fraction of the price it normally costs (I only had to pay my copay of $20) I figured I would go for it.
I am now waiting eagerly for June 10 to arrive so we can have the anatomy scan. I really want to find out the gender of our lil' niblet, who apparently is not so little anymore, measuring about 5 inches from butt to head -- legs are still not measured at this point. But 5 inches! That's bigger than my Iphone!
I'm not feeling anything discernible in there yet, probably because I'm still so blocked up that I assume every sensation is just gas. But I've read that most people don't feel the baby's movement until 18-20 weeks, and some feel nothing until 24 weeks. So there you go. I do feel the uterus stretching. It feels like mild cramps. Nothing to run to the medicine cabinet for, it's just keeping me interested.
On a more mundane note I finally bought some larger bras! Very exciting for me especially since they were only 6 and 12 dollars at Marshalls. My stepmom would be proud! But now I can rotate off of the only one that fit me, and mix it up with 2 others. Hoorah!
On that boring note, I shall leave.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
15w6d meeting my doctor tomorrow
Wow, it's been a long time since I last posted. If anyone is following me, I am sorry. Things have been fine! Great, in fact. I'm healthy, I believe the baby is also, and really no bad side effects of this little human taking over my body aside from extreme tiredness and the inability to climb 3 stories of stairs without feeling like I'm going to lose a lung. I'm hungry like a baby is -- I need to eat all the time, though not that much. I can't tell if my belly has "popped" yet, because I'm still suffering from bloating and constipation on a regular basis, so I often just think I'm bloated. I'm a slender person, but I've always had a belly that protrudes, or can. I've conditioned myself to hold in my stomach for so many years that it's just odd to let it all out now, and that adds to my confusion of what is baby and what is my normal relaxed belly plus bloat.
So since the last time I posted, I had the first 2 of the 3 tests for screening, a blood draw and the nuchal measurement. Both of those came out great (nuchal scan measured 1.3mm) and I'm considered screen negative for everything they were checking for. I will have my 3rd test, another blood draw, tomorrow when I go in for my 16 week checkup. I will also get to meet my doctor finally! The last checkup was with a midwife, and so now I'll meet the new doc to whom I switched after my very first prenatal visit since that man just didn't seem like he was going to be very caring or interested in me or what I want.
After we got those initial screens back, we were finally free to tell everyone that we are expecting. I told my family, some friends, and work. No facebook posting for me though, I am not extroverted enough for that. Also, after 4 years of infertility, I know it can inadvertently hurt some folks who are also suffering from it. I have 2 friends who have just given up trying. And another one or two who are sad because they haven't met the right guy, or the guys they're with don't want kids. Anyway, I'm sensitive to it, so I'll refrain from that sort of thing. I've found that I actually like it better when someone else tells a friend for me -- I keep saying to my husband "Have you told her the news?" as an opener, then he tells the friend. I don't know why I prefer it that way, but I do. People are so happy for us, which is nice, but I can't quite match their happiness because mine's dispersed over weeks and weeks now -- each successful week completed or positive checkup has been another dose of excitement and relief. I might be coming across as less happy than I actually am to those friends who have just heard. But I am definitely happy and excited to meet that baby!
It's been a few weeks since the last appointment, and after tomorrow it'll be another 3 weeks til the next one. So I'll try to post about tomorrow at some point, and if I don't post again after that for a while, I guess readers should just assume all is well. That's been my approach to this pregnancy. Assume it's all good unless I hear otherwise!
 | |
| We'll call this the 16 week belly |
So since the last time I posted, I had the first 2 of the 3 tests for screening, a blood draw and the nuchal measurement. Both of those came out great (nuchal scan measured 1.3mm) and I'm considered screen negative for everything they were checking for. I will have my 3rd test, another blood draw, tomorrow when I go in for my 16 week checkup. I will also get to meet my doctor finally! The last checkup was with a midwife, and so now I'll meet the new doc to whom I switched after my very first prenatal visit since that man just didn't seem like he was going to be very caring or interested in me or what I want.
After we got those initial screens back, we were finally free to tell everyone that we are expecting. I told my family, some friends, and work. No facebook posting for me though, I am not extroverted enough for that. Also, after 4 years of infertility, I know it can inadvertently hurt some folks who are also suffering from it. I have 2 friends who have just given up trying. And another one or two who are sad because they haven't met the right guy, or the guys they're with don't want kids. Anyway, I'm sensitive to it, so I'll refrain from that sort of thing. I've found that I actually like it better when someone else tells a friend for me -- I keep saying to my husband "Have you told her the news?" as an opener, then he tells the friend. I don't know why I prefer it that way, but I do. People are so happy for us, which is nice, but I can't quite match their happiness because mine's dispersed over weeks and weeks now -- each successful week completed or positive checkup has been another dose of excitement and relief. I might be coming across as less happy than I actually am to those friends who have just heard. But I am definitely happy and excited to meet that baby!
It's been a few weeks since the last appointment, and after tomorrow it'll be another 3 weeks til the next one. So I'll try to post about tomorrow at some point, and if I don't post again after that for a while, I guess readers should just assume all is well. That's been my approach to this pregnancy. Assume it's all good unless I hear otherwise!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
11w2d
Disclaimer: this was written last week but I'm finally posting it now. Sorry for the lag! I'll update you with current events soon.
I spent the weekend in San Francisco and early Monday morning I went to have my CVS performed. There were some complications because my cervix was an odd position so the doctor decided not to perform the test. He said to come back in 10 days and by then everything would be fine. But I did get to see lots of images of the wiggly niblet, who measured 3 day ahead of where I had it (previously it had measured two days behind). The tech took a whole lot of measurements, and the doctor said everything looked good including the nuchal measurement. Though it wasn't an official measurement -- apparently they have to do it three times and a lot of paperwork has to be filled out prior to that for state regulations.
Considering I was all the way in San Francisco, and missed half a day of work, and would have to come back in 10 days and miss a full day of work, I decided that maybe I'll just have the screening tests and not go forward with the diagnostic. Nothing so far has concerned the doctors with the baby's measurements or anatomy. It's growing well, it's heart rate is normal, everything seems to be progressing nicely. For the first time ever!
Best thing about yesterday was that I got to see a bunch of photos of the baby. Here's one:
I spent the weekend in San Francisco and early Monday morning I went to have my CVS performed. There were some complications because my cervix was an odd position so the doctor decided not to perform the test. He said to come back in 10 days and by then everything would be fine. But I did get to see lots of images of the wiggly niblet, who measured 3 day ahead of where I had it (previously it had measured two days behind). The tech took a whole lot of measurements, and the doctor said everything looked good including the nuchal measurement. Though it wasn't an official measurement -- apparently they have to do it three times and a lot of paperwork has to be filled out prior to that for state regulations.
Considering I was all the way in San Francisco, and missed half a day of work, and would have to come back in 10 days and miss a full day of work, I decided that maybe I'll just have the screening tests and not go forward with the diagnostic. Nothing so far has concerned the doctors with the baby's measurements or anatomy. It's growing well, it's heart rate is normal, everything seems to be progressing nicely. For the first time ever!
Best thing about yesterday was that I got to see a bunch of photos of the baby. Here's one:
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
10w4d genetics counseling
Yesterday I had my genetics counseling appointment, which was preceded by another ultrasound, this time with measurements and a photo! The photo turned out a little odd, it was difficult to see my baby on the abdominal ultrasound, as my uterus is not only retroverted (tilted back toward my spine), but also retroflexed (bent back toward my tailbone). So it's wayyyy behind all my intestines and all the stopped up stuff within them. Yuck. She actually had to tilt the table so my head was down and my feet were up before we could see anything, and I told her to go ahead and press as hard as she needed to. So she did her best to move things around and finally there was a small gap in all the gunk that was in the way. So there again was the lil' niblet, wiggling and bopping around, being cute as ever. She/he even brought a hand up to her/his head at one point, like it was scratching an itch on the cheek. It was heart-melting.
The tech, who also assists in CVS procedures, knew quite a bit and shared a lot of info. She took one measurement -- the baby measured 10w1d which again is fine by my ovulation date -- and then measured the heartbeat (for my first time). It was a whopping 174 bpm! Perfectly healthy and normal for that age. More and more relief. As I write this I think it's just so crazy that that little heart is inside me right now, surrounded by that little wiggle-wormy kid. Sometimes it seems like the only time I'm pregnant is when I can see that screen, but of course, that baby's in there and doing all those things 24-7! I am really looking forward to being able to feel the baby. I know I should be careful what I wish for though, getting kicked in the ribs probably doesn't feel too good....
The tech explained how the CVS works, that because of my uterus position, they would not be doing a trans-abdominal CVS (which I didn't even know was an option). So it will be going in the way I thought they would, through the cervix. She said the catheter can make 2 turns, and my placenta is posterior, so depending on the position of my cervix, it may or may not be possible. We couldn't ever clearly see the cervix thanks to my intestinal gunk.
She sent me off with a goofy photo of the baby, and I moved on to my genetics counselor. The photo is goofy because you can only see part of it thanks to the gunk, and I think the baby was moving at the time, and we caught an odd angle of it. I think we're looking over its left shoulder. It kind of looks like the Joker from Batman. You can see its upper and lower jaws. Later in the day when I showed the photo to my husband he said it looked like the baby was smiling, but I explained that we were seeing the jaws, not the lips. The good news is that we can see the nasal bone. Seeing the nasal bone is a really good sign, the counselor said, because it diminishes the chances of Down Syndrome -- DS babies don't develop nasal bones fully or sometimes at all. So though it's kind of a creepy photo, it's gives some good information. I wish I had thought to videotape the baby wiggling around. It's much cuter than that photo!
I then spoke with my genetics counselor, who explained what happens in a CVS and the things that can go wrong with results. There's less than a 1/300 chance of miscarriage from this, and it completely depends on the skill of the doctor. My doctor is supposedly very good, and before coming to Kaiser he taught other doctors how to do CVS at UCSF, so that's encouraging. I think the risk is more like 1/600 that it could end up badly because of the test. Assuming that won't be a problem, I then have a 98% chance that everything will go as planned in the test -- there are issues that can happen where they get my tissue instead of the placenta's, for example. Just a 2% chance of a bad reading. They will give me an image of the baby's chromosomes afterwards if I want, which sounds good to me! Again, I'm staying positive, and assuming all will be fine.
So I will head to San Francisico for a fun weekend before I go to the appointment on Monday morning. I'm looking forward to seeing some friends and getting out of town for a bit, even though it's just an hour and a half away. I again am having to figure out how to handle hanging out with friends with me not drinking -- how to not get found out? We always have wine when we're together.... Also, my stomach is on the verge of showing. I think it's more poop than uterus, but you never know. And none of the laxative-like remedies are working for me, so it will most likely remain a bit bulgey. Here's my tummy:
That is all for now!
The tech, who also assists in CVS procedures, knew quite a bit and shared a lot of info. She took one measurement -- the baby measured 10w1d which again is fine by my ovulation date -- and then measured the heartbeat (for my first time). It was a whopping 174 bpm! Perfectly healthy and normal for that age. More and more relief. As I write this I think it's just so crazy that that little heart is inside me right now, surrounded by that little wiggle-wormy kid. Sometimes it seems like the only time I'm pregnant is when I can see that screen, but of course, that baby's in there and doing all those things 24-7! I am really looking forward to being able to feel the baby. I know I should be careful what I wish for though, getting kicked in the ribs probably doesn't feel too good....
The tech explained how the CVS works, that because of my uterus position, they would not be doing a trans-abdominal CVS (which I didn't even know was an option). So it will be going in the way I thought they would, through the cervix. She said the catheter can make 2 turns, and my placenta is posterior, so depending on the position of my cervix, it may or may not be possible. We couldn't ever clearly see the cervix thanks to my intestinal gunk.
She sent me off with a goofy photo of the baby, and I moved on to my genetics counselor. The photo is goofy because you can only see part of it thanks to the gunk, and I think the baby was moving at the time, and we caught an odd angle of it. I think we're looking over its left shoulder. It kind of looks like the Joker from Batman. You can see its upper and lower jaws. Later in the day when I showed the photo to my husband he said it looked like the baby was smiling, but I explained that we were seeing the jaws, not the lips. The good news is that we can see the nasal bone. Seeing the nasal bone is a really good sign, the counselor said, because it diminishes the chances of Down Syndrome -- DS babies don't develop nasal bones fully or sometimes at all. So though it's kind of a creepy photo, it's gives some good information. I wish I had thought to videotape the baby wiggling around. It's much cuter than that photo!
 | ||||
| Really all you can see is the head of the baby facing 10 o'clock. You can see what looks like a smile, but are actually the upper and lower jaws, and the sharp nose. |
I then spoke with my genetics counselor, who explained what happens in a CVS and the things that can go wrong with results. There's less than a 1/300 chance of miscarriage from this, and it completely depends on the skill of the doctor. My doctor is supposedly very good, and before coming to Kaiser he taught other doctors how to do CVS at UCSF, so that's encouraging. I think the risk is more like 1/600 that it could end up badly because of the test. Assuming that won't be a problem, I then have a 98% chance that everything will go as planned in the test -- there are issues that can happen where they get my tissue instead of the placenta's, for example. Just a 2% chance of a bad reading. They will give me an image of the baby's chromosomes afterwards if I want, which sounds good to me! Again, I'm staying positive, and assuming all will be fine.
So I will head to San Francisico for a fun weekend before I go to the appointment on Monday morning. I'm looking forward to seeing some friends and getting out of town for a bit, even though it's just an hour and a half away. I again am having to figure out how to handle hanging out with friends with me not drinking -- how to not get found out? We always have wine when we're together.... Also, my stomach is on the verge of showing. I think it's more poop than uterus, but you never know. And none of the laxative-like remedies are working for me, so it will most likely remain a bit bulgey. Here's my tummy:
 | |
| My friends will tell you that bump is nothing new. I've always had some flab there. |
That is all for now!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
9w5d ultrasound! no ultrasound! well maybe....
Today I'm actually at 10 weeks exactly, but I started writing this on Thursday and I haven't had time to finish it until now. If anybody is actually following my posts, then I apologize for the lag! Here's the latest from 9w5d:
Today I went in for my next appointment in the series. This time with a nurse-midwife who was excellent, and my husband along for the ride so he could finally see the baby. As is his fashion he got there stylishly late and when he arrived I was peeing into a cup in the bathroom, but they let him in my exam room for me. Then the nurse's aid came in and mentioned that it would only be a breast exam and some talking, so I only needed to take my top off and put on the robe. I said, "But I was told that it would be another ultrasound! That's why my husband is here!" She said, "Then it's strange they gave you this midwife, she's not trained in ultrasounds." She said she'd mention that I was expecting a U/S to the midwife, and she left. I then fretted out loud while my husband tried to calm me down by reading every boring post he came across on facebook.
Soon the nurse midwife joined us. She was a lovely woman, a little older than me, with a sweet, calm energy about her. She explained that she's not well versed in the ultrasound machine, but she had brought in a doppler and we could listen for the heartbeat. I explained that I had never made it this far in a pregnancy before and that I was just really looking forward to knowing if everything was OK or not. Then I started to cry, which surprised me a little, but my hormones are crazy now. Also, I thought for sure there was an ultrasound at this appointment and after three babies that stopped growing before 8 weeks, I was really counting on some proof that everything was advancing. I managed to gather myself together and she examined my breasts (OW!) and then lubed up the doppler and applied it to my belly. It didn't go so well. It took a long time to find anything. At one point she said, "I hear it!" but she couldn't hold it there and we never heard it. I told her I wouldn't be devastated if she couldn't find it, I figure there are lots of reasons it's hard to find. She tried and tried again, pressing on my bladder which I thought was empty but apparently had filled right back up again. She finally gave up and said she'd go get the ultrasound machine. Yay!
While we waited I suggested to my husband that he quickly google some images of a 9w5d ultrasound so that he can have an idea if what we see is on track, since we were set up to not have the best guide.
The aid helped set up the machine, then split. The nurse midwife started the ultrasound and announced that I have a VERY tilted uterus, and this is why we couldn't hear the heartbeat on the doppler. Apparently the baby is back by my spine somewhere, buried under lots of intestines and whatnot. Tilted uteruses (uteri?) will un-tilt during pregnancy, so that's good to know. Otherwise I'd have my pregnancy bump on my back, which would be most horrid.
Despite the midwife's lack of experience and my uber-tilted uterus, she managed to hone right in on the cutest lil' niblet you ever did see. A sweet little side profile of a huge head on top of an equal-sized body, with little legs and arms, waving and waving at us! She lined up the sensor over the beating heart, and we saw and heard it beating away, at what seemed to be a nice, fast pace. Since this wasn't her regular thing, she didn't measure the baby, nor record the heartrate, but I figured I'd rather have that done by a pro anyway so we didn't have misinformation, and I do have yet another ultrasound in 5 days as preparation for the CVS.
Long story short, it was a great appointment even though it started off rocky, and I am feeling reassured for now. I'm still going to wait until after the CVS results to tell family and friends though. So from today (the real today, 10 weeks) I have about 2 weeks until I can let anyone know what's been going on.
In the meantime, I'm glad I have this blog!
Today I went in for my next appointment in the series. This time with a nurse-midwife who was excellent, and my husband along for the ride so he could finally see the baby. As is his fashion he got there stylishly late and when he arrived I was peeing into a cup in the bathroom, but they let him in my exam room for me. Then the nurse's aid came in and mentioned that it would only be a breast exam and some talking, so I only needed to take my top off and put on the robe. I said, "But I was told that it would be another ultrasound! That's why my husband is here!" She said, "Then it's strange they gave you this midwife, she's not trained in ultrasounds." She said she'd mention that I was expecting a U/S to the midwife, and she left. I then fretted out loud while my husband tried to calm me down by reading every boring post he came across on facebook.
Soon the nurse midwife joined us. She was a lovely woman, a little older than me, with a sweet, calm energy about her. She explained that she's not well versed in the ultrasound machine, but she had brought in a doppler and we could listen for the heartbeat. I explained that I had never made it this far in a pregnancy before and that I was just really looking forward to knowing if everything was OK or not. Then I started to cry, which surprised me a little, but my hormones are crazy now. Also, I thought for sure there was an ultrasound at this appointment and after three babies that stopped growing before 8 weeks, I was really counting on some proof that everything was advancing. I managed to gather myself together and she examined my breasts (OW!) and then lubed up the doppler and applied it to my belly. It didn't go so well. It took a long time to find anything. At one point she said, "I hear it!" but she couldn't hold it there and we never heard it. I told her I wouldn't be devastated if she couldn't find it, I figure there are lots of reasons it's hard to find. She tried and tried again, pressing on my bladder which I thought was empty but apparently had filled right back up again. She finally gave up and said she'd go get the ultrasound machine. Yay!
While we waited I suggested to my husband that he quickly google some images of a 9w5d ultrasound so that he can have an idea if what we see is on track, since we were set up to not have the best guide.
The aid helped set up the machine, then split. The nurse midwife started the ultrasound and announced that I have a VERY tilted uterus, and this is why we couldn't hear the heartbeat on the doppler. Apparently the baby is back by my spine somewhere, buried under lots of intestines and whatnot. Tilted uteruses (uteri?) will un-tilt during pregnancy, so that's good to know. Otherwise I'd have my pregnancy bump on my back, which would be most horrid.
Despite the midwife's lack of experience and my uber-tilted uterus, she managed to hone right in on the cutest lil' niblet you ever did see. A sweet little side profile of a huge head on top of an equal-sized body, with little legs and arms, waving and waving at us! She lined up the sensor over the beating heart, and we saw and heard it beating away, at what seemed to be a nice, fast pace. Since this wasn't her regular thing, she didn't measure the baby, nor record the heartrate, but I figured I'd rather have that done by a pro anyway so we didn't have misinformation, and I do have yet another ultrasound in 5 days as preparation for the CVS.
Long story short, it was a great appointment even though it started off rocky, and I am feeling reassured for now. I'm still going to wait until after the CVS results to tell family and friends though. So from today (the real today, 10 weeks) I have about 2 weeks until I can let anyone know what's been going on.
In the meantime, I'm glad I have this blog!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
8w5d glucose and hush-hush
I'm still here and still pregnant as far as I
can tell! The boobs just keep getting heavier and hurtier, I'm getting
more and more tired, and I have another week to wait until I can get some
reassurance that all is as well as I think it is.
Time seems to be dragging less, which I think
is why I haven't written as often. But I never did finish the initial
appointment post, which really just covers making my next appointments. I
have 3 appointments coming up, one each week starting next week. Oh --
but I did have something appointment-like this week, because my one hour
glucose test came back really high. It was 243, when the high end of
normal is 140. So the doctor ordered me to do a fasting, 3-hour glucose
test, after eating nothing for 10 hours. It consisted of 4 blood draws,
one before drinking the nasty syrupy drink, and one each hour after for 3
hours. I couldn't leave the lobby of the phlebotomist's office, so I sat
and read magazines and books and tried not to think of how hungry I was. One out of the 4 draws was virtually painless -- some phlebotomists are so good at what they do.
Rather than dragging it out, I'll just let
you know that my numbers came back mostly normal, but the average is a little
on the high side of normal. HOWEVER, it was just Easter and there are a
lot of jelly beans and chocolate eggs and other tempting yummies lying around
the house right now (which may have escaped from my stepson's basket). I
usually don't eat a lot of sugary things, just one or two items a day. So
I am guessing I don't have gestational diabetes, just a surge of Easter candy
in my system. I hope.
Next week I have another ultrasound (at
9w5d), this time with a nurse-midwife who is a woman. The week after that
I'll meet with the genetics counselor. They'll give me another ultrasound
that day as well. The following week (11 weeks) I go to San Francisco for
the CVS which is a sampling of the placenta that they'll take as a diagnostic
of the baby's genes. So we should know a lot after that, i.e. if the baby
is healthy and it's gender. I'm trying not to think too hard about that.
One thing I haven't talked about here is the fact that I haven't told any family about this yet. I've only told my husband and one old friend (as in we've known each other over 20 years, not that she's old), who is not nearby but I g-chat with her almost every day. (Also, last weekend a different friend who I rarely see whisked me away to Tahoe for a girl's weekend and I felt I had to tell her because why else wasn't I drinking the amazing wine she brought? It's so unlike me!)
After having 3 miscarriages, I just don’t
feel like going through all the ups and downs and questions and getting other
people’s hopes up, only to possibly have to tell them it didn’t work out yet
again. Also, this time I am feeling more
sensitive about my age. 43 is on the
high end of the age spectrum for having a kid.
I want to escape the possible judgment of those who may think I’m
pushing my luck, or that I’m going to be so worn out by a baby, or whatever unsupportive
things people may think. Once I know
that everything is OK, then I will tell people, and I’ll deal with all of that
then. But I really don’t want to go through
it until I know everything is OK.
So for now I blog. It would be nice if some of you would comment,
so I felt like I had a community of sorts…. :)
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
7w4d first ultrasound!
I had my first prenatal appointment today, and -- hold your breath -- there was nothing to be worried about! There was a little niblet in a sac, with a beating heart, and what looked to be a few other sacs as well but turned out to be blood vessles, said the doctor. Based on when I usually ovulate (18th day of my cycle), I had me at 7w4d, but based on when my hubs and I did the deed around then, we could have been at either 7w6d or 7w3d. The doctor measured it once, and got 7w1d, then he tried again and got 7w3d. If it had been up to me I would have had him try a third time, but it wasn't up to me. That's OK because for the first time ever, everything seems to be going forward positively. It's an absolutely new experience for me, and I'm grateful.
 | |||||
| Blood vessels and one little niblet in a sac! |
My appointment was fast at first, then got slower and slower. I arrived early to fill out the hefty stack of informational pages they needed from me. I had told my husband to come a little after the start time of the meeting, as he wasn't going to have much of a break and I had assumed there'd be some extra time at first -- doctors are always running behind, and you end up sitting in the room, waiting, half naked and feeling vulnerable under a plastic blanket. But noooo. I hadn't even gotten that plastic blanket on my lap when he knock-knocked and came right on in! Oh well, it didn't matter, he was about to know all about my body in mere moments.
Sadly, my husband hadn't even left work yet, he was just about to leave. We were texting madly and I told him not to bother at that point, since the doctor was grabbing the ultrasound machine and the wand and then voila! it was happening. But it was all happening a little too fast. Deano wasn't with me, and the doctor (an older man whose first language wasn't English, and whose demeanor wasn't warm and inviting) whooshed in and I saw what looked like 2 sacs. "There's two?" I said, and he said "No!". He focused the image over the baby and measured once, with a measurement of 7w1d, then he repositioned it and measured again at 7w3d, but I wasn't sure if it was the same sac, so I said, "Is that a second baby?" and he said "No! There's just one!" Then he says, "there's the heartbeat", which I caught for about 3 seconds total before he moved the wand out and started cleaning up. I said, "Are you going to measure the heart rate?" and he looked at me like I was crazy. "No, it's fine. Didn't you see it?" "Barely," I said. I gotta be honest, I was disappointed. I didn't get to see how fast it was flickering, and one of my miscarriages had a slow heartbeat. I am not positive that this heart was fast enough, so I just have to trust that since the doctor was OK with it, there should be nothing to worry about. He told me to get dressed and to come to his office next door. Immediately I decided I would be switching doctors.
~~~more thoughts of switching doctors!!~~~
It wasn't until the very end of the meeting with him that he finally smiled, sticking out his hand and saying, "Congratulations!" I can see that he's a fine doctor who simply has some cultural differences from myself, and I would probably be in good hands were I to stay with him. But, quite frankly, I want someone I can relate to more, with whom I can joke, who smiles easily and is concerned for my feelings and well being.
I had a longer meeting with the prenatal consultant, who discussed with me what was ahead, and arranged for my next meeting in 2 weeks to be with a nurse midwife (not this same doctor). She also explained that due to my age and my 3 previous miscarriages, that I will probably be seen by the high-risk obstetricians in a different location going forward, and that there is a woman doctor amongst them so I can switch doctors at that time. We talked about genetics testing, and I told her I would like to talk to a consultant, so she said she'd arrange that. She was sweet and easy to talk to, so I left the office in a better mood.
Then my day dragged on as I went to give blood, only to find that I had to do a one-hour glucose test. So I drank the orange drink and waited an hour before giving my 6 vials of blood. Finally, 3 hours later, I left the medical facility.
There's more to my day (I spoke with and set up appointments for genentics counseling and a CVS), but I'm quite tired now so I'll save that for next time. For now, me and the niblet are going to get some sleep!
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