35w6d rounder and rounder we go!

I haven't been a good blogger.  I got busy.  Reasons/excuses/truth is:  I have a 2nd job that takes up my time in the evenings, and for the last few weeks I've been in "nesting" mode, trying to get our home organized.  I think I've actually been in this mode for a few years now, it's not just baby related, though I think that the due date provides a nice deadline to adhere to.

However, I'm writing again because I reason there must be other 40+ moms-to-be, or hopeful moms-to-be, who could use a little info on those of us who are finally having healthy pregnancies.  When I was looking for hope, I found it very encouraging to read other women's blogs, other women over 40, so I didn't feel that I was a freak for wanting/expecting a baby at this age.  Freak not, my friends!   It does happen.  Not to everyone, and not right away for me, certainly.  3 pregnancies that didn't work were disappointing, and even more disappointing was that I was getting used to them not working out.  But I still reasoned that surely there must be at least one good egg left inside me, if not several.  It was just a matter of trying, trying again.  So that is the attitude I took, and it did pay off.  I have a sweet younger friend who is going through some fertility issues, she's only 34.  She's had two miscarriages so far, and they are devastating her.  I have tried to explain to her how lucky she is that she gets pregnant after only 2 months of trying each time -- she hasn't experienced the year-long waits that I went through between pregnancies.  At the same time I try to understand her pain, as it's valid and real and hers.  I don't want to diminish her experiences (much as I'd love to diminish her pain).  I truly believe it'll work out for her and her husband very soon, but that's not something she's able to hear -- and I can relate to that too.

So to update you on me and the niblet, we have gestational diabetes (GD), thanks to the placenta who has been quite pesky.  So I'm off the sugar, the white flour, and apparently any whole wheat pasta that isn't Trader Joe's  (that's the only one that works for me, I've found -- last night I made lasagna with a limited amount of whole wheat noodles from Whole Foods.  I got one of the highest post-dinner blood sugar numbers I've had, second only to the whole wheat Kraft mac n cheese night failure).  I eat very few grain-related carbs these days, a whole lot of string cheese sticks (Organic Valley is a million times tastier than Lucerne, BTW), some great high-protein yougurt (Stonyfield greek and Siggi's Icelandic style *who knew??*), all the non-starchy veggies and protein I want, and limited fruit.  I can do one small corn tortilla at a meal, or one piece of high-protein sprouted-grain bread per meal, or that TJ's pasta.  Oh - and quinoa.  Beans are great though.  For lunch today, I just had a salad with steak, chickpeas, veggies and cheese and I should be fine.  Dinners are easy, we do a protein and then usually 2 veggies (i.e. broccoli and cauliflower, or salad and roasted carrots), tonight I think it'll be meat-stuffed zucchini and a salad.  Then, my bedtime snack is sugar free ice cream with natural peanut butter as a topping.  I am not a fan of artificial sweeteners, but it sure is nice to have ice cream at the end of the day, especially since I can't have anything else I crave.  There are snacks I have to eat as well, it's a lot of eating, really.  And a lot of finger pricking after each meal.  It's doable, though, and it will end when the placenta is no longer inside me.

I have my 36 week checkup in 2 days, I'm looking forward to that.  I like my midwife a lot, she takes a lot of time with me.  My next appointment at 38 weeks will be with a different midwife.  This 36 weeker will actually be my last appointment with my midwife unless for some reason they don't induce me at 39 weeks -- I do have a 40 week appointment with her after my due date.  But the GD protocol is to induce around 39 weeks.  I am going to push back on that if the baby and I both seem fine.  We'll see what happens.  I do have an OB and she is the one who will want the induction.  I've heard to prepare for pushback on my opinion.  The fear from doctors is that the baby will be big.  But since I'm controlling the GD with diet and a little medicine at night, she shouldn't end up too big.  Less than 50% of GD babies are bigger than 8 lbs. 14oz., which is their definition of big.  Here's the article I read that encouraged me even further in my opinion http://evidencebasedbirth.com/category/gestational-diabetes-2/

Of course, if there is good reason for induction I'll do it.  I don't need either of us to be hurt or worse.  

So hopefully my midwife will be on duty at some point when I go to the hospital.  It's a crapshoot though.  But if not, it'll be a different midwife.  Unless they say I have to be on the high risk side of the L&D ward.  Then it's just doctors.  So much is unknown.  Birth plan shmirth shmlan!  I will finalize one with my hopes and wishes, but I have to be ready to let it go, too.

The craziest thing is that in about a month, or less, or possibly more, there will be a little baby in this world to whom I am Mommy.

15w6d meeting my doctor tomorrow

Wow, it's been a long time since I last posted.  If anyone is following me, I am sorry.  Things have been fine!  Great, in fact.  I'm healthy, I believe the baby is also, and really no bad side effects of this little human taking over my body aside from extreme tiredness and the inability to climb 3 stories of stairs without feeling like I'm going to lose a lung.  I'm hungry like a baby is -- I need to eat all the time, though not that much.  I can't tell if my belly has "popped" yet, because I'm still suffering from bloating and constipation on a regular basis, so I often just think I'm bloated.  I'm a slender person, but I've always had a belly that protrudes, or can. I've conditioned myself to hold in my stomach for so many years that it's just odd to let it all out now, and that adds to my confusion of what is baby and what is my normal relaxed belly plus bloat.  

We'll call this the 16 week belly

So since the last time I posted, I had the first 2 of the 3 tests for screening, a blood draw and the nuchal measurement.  Both of those came out great (nuchal scan measured 1.3mm) and I'm considered screen negative for everything they were checking for. I will have my 3rd test, another blood draw, tomorrow when I go in for my 16 week checkup.  I will also get to meet my doctor finally!  The last checkup was with a midwife, and so now I'll meet the new doc to whom I switched after my very first prenatal visit since that man just didn't seem like he was going to be very caring or interested in me or what I want.

After we got those initial screens back, we were finally free to tell everyone that we are expecting.  I told my family, some friends, and work.  No facebook posting for me though, I am not extroverted enough for that.  Also, after 4 years of infertility, I know it can inadvertently hurt some folks who are also suffering from it.  I have 2 friends who have just given up trying.  And another one or two who are sad because they haven't met the right guy, or the guys they're with don't want kids.  Anyway, I'm sensitive to it, so I'll refrain from that sort of thing.  I've found that I actually like it better when someone else tells a friend for me -- I keep saying to my husband "Have you told her the news?" as an opener, then he tells the friend.  I don't know why I prefer it that way, but I do.  People are so happy for us, which is nice, but I can't quite match their happiness because mine's dispersed over weeks and weeks now -- each successful week completed or positive checkup has been another dose of excitement and relief.  I might be coming across as less happy than I actually am to those friends who have just heard.  But I am definitely happy and excited to meet that baby!

It's been a few weeks since the last appointment, and after tomorrow it'll be another 3 weeks til the next one.  So I'll try to post about tomorrow at some point, and if I don't post again after that for a while, I guess readers should just assume all is well.  That's been my approach to this pregnancy.  Assume it's all good unless I hear otherwise!