4w5d and hiya!

Here I am again, pregnant for the 4th time in 4 years, and still no baby to show for it. Getting older by the minute (duh), and scared to place my trust in this process again.  I think I have a few things going for me this time that I didn't the last times -- actually just one thing.  My husband is sober now, and had been for 3 1/2 months at the time of conception, so I'm pretty sure we had sober sperm.  I'm hoping that makes the difference we need for a healthy baby.  Though I know (believe me, I've reminded myself too many times) that usually at my age it's the woman's egg that's the problem, not the sperm.  But he loved his alcohol so I'm hoping that by letting his body return to a more normal state of being, that can help.  Just hoping and a-hopin'!  (Full confession: I didn't stop drinking at that time but my consumption has never been like his.)

So to give you some background, I am now 43, and have been pregnant once a year since getting married at 40.  (And since learning I am pregnant 6 days ago, I did stop drinking.  Thank you, thank you.)

In 2010 I got pregnant naturally.  But after low betas and the embryo measuring maxing out in size at 6 weeks, I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks.  I used medicine to get my body to purge that one.  NEVER AGAIN.  Ow is a massive understatement.  More like OHMYGODI'MGOINGTOPUKEFAINTANDBLOWITOUTMYASSALATONCE  because the pain was so massive.  And that's pretty much what happened.  With blood clots to boot!  Gross, I know.  

In 2011 with the help of Clomid, I went 8w5d.  We saw the little bugger 3 times.  Each time measuring smaller than it should, smaller and smaller.  The second time there was a heartbeat, but it measured a week behind, and for a 7 week embryo the hearbeat was only 80bpm, which for those of you who don't know, is slow.  The following week there was no growth and no heartbeat.  That time I had a D&C, which I highly recommend in that scenario.

Then last year, more Clomid and another pregnancy.  At 5w5d there was a pink spot.  At 6w4d it measured 6w1d.  At 6w6d more spotting.  7w1d we saw a collapsing sac, and on that same day my body took over with painful cramps and the usual rigmarole.  That was May 4th of last year.  

On March 1st of this year after giving up on medical help, I peed on a stick to find two lines.  Yay!!  

Maybe.